It feels like my heart is trying to hug my brain!

Today, I am breaking up. With caffeine.

Caffeine and I have a history. During high school, we would get together occasionally. I would get a bottle of Diet Pepsi out of the vending machines at Central and drink it during the afternoon. It was fine.

Then, I hit college. My dabbling became a full-blown addiction. I don't remember exactly when I started drinking coffee, but by second year it was definitely a fixture of my life. Coffee was great! I could drink it and stay up late writing papers! And man, did I have papers to write! My junior year, I went abroad to Japan, and started what I call my "Coffee and Booze" diet, which predictably consisted of a lot of coffee breakfasts and whiskey dinners. And somehow, I survived that.

However, caffeine and I started to have a falling out during second semester of my senior year. The stress and caffeine started to get to me, and after one notable 48+ hour panic attack, my doctor told me to lighten up a bit on the coffee, and DEAR GOD stop drinking it after noon.

I've been mostly fine since then, until I moved back to Grinnell at the end of December. I went out drinking one night, had two rum and cokes and a long island iced tea, and was absolutely WIRED for the next 5 hours. Since then, I've been weaning myself off it in a half-hearted kind of way. I've been brewing my morning pot with half-decaf, half-regular so that I can feel like I'm actually doing something. But today, I made the mistake of drinking a cup of this concoction on an empty stomach, and now it is 6 pm and I am still jittery.

Caffeine is like Dennis from 30 Rock. It will sneak its way into your life and the only way to get rid of it is to see it on "To Catch a Predator" and realize that you've had enough.

So: caffeine, I've had enough. This is cold turkey, baby (mmmmm, cold turkey). It's going to be hard, and there will be pain in the form of caffeine headaches, but I will live a happier and less stressful life. If we encounter each other sometime in the future, as will inevitably happen, I will acknowledge you but turn away from temptation and live to see another day.

At least, that's what I'm telling myself now. You may find me in a couple days with my head down on my desk, listening to sad country music, having lost the will to go on.